I’ve always dreamed of having a family and children, but the idea of pregnancy and labor has always been a source of fear for me. That said, I can’t complain much about the physical challenges like morning sickness or feeling unwell—truthfully, I’ve been incredibly fortunate in that aspect so far. My struggles have been more rooted in areas like energy, motivation, stress, and the everyday worries of life.

As someone who suspects they may be autistic (though I haven’t been formally tested), navigating change, new experiences, and the lack of structure from not working has been particularly challenging. Without the routine of staying busy, it’s easy for me to feel overwhelmed and unmotivated, which can weigh me down at times.

Before becoming pregnant, I was a self-employed offshore worker who spent a significant portion of the year away and had a deep passion for traveling and taking holidays. Transitioning out of my previous job into a much lower-paying role has been challenging, as it has left me feeling less independent and more reliant on my partner—something I wasn’t accustomed to before. While I’ve come to terms with the fact that having a baby will mean fewer spontaneous trips and holidays, letting go of that part of my life feels like an easier adjustment compared to the other changes.

One challenge I never anticipated was experiencing gender disappointment. I hadn’t even realized it was a real thing (though I’ve since been reassured that it is), so when those feelings surfaced, I was overwhelmed with guilt. For as long as I can remember, I envisioned a family with two boys—twins, to be exact. I was always so certain that twins were in my future. Throughout my first trimester, I convinced myself that I was having a boy and dismissed anyone who guessed otherwise. It wasn’t that I was against having a girl, but I had built up this fantasy of having boys so strongly that I completely ruled out the possibility of anything else.

You can imagine my surprise when the gender reveal cannon burst, and pink confetti filled the air. Right after the reveal, I cried to my partner, blurting out that I didn’t think I wanted a girl. But deep down, that wasn’t true. I just needed time to process the shift in my expectations. Now, I’m beyond excited to welcome my little girl into the world.

After reflecting on my feelings, I realized something important: I had clung to the idea of boys because of the common stereotype that boys are closer to their moms, while girls are closer to their dads. Growing up as a daddy’s girl, I feared feeling left out in the bond between my daughter and my partner. But I’ve come to understand that those fears were all in my head, and they have no bearing on the love and connection I’ll share with my daughter. Now, I truly can’t wait to meet my baby girl and watch her grow into her own unique person.

These are just some of the challenges I’ve encountered along the journey, and I’m excited to share even more!